Feelings and Family

Everything about this pregnancy has been different, though with the exception of not being fat or diabetic, its all worse or harder. Sometimes I wonder what this surgery has truly done to my body. Sure I'm healthier and more active and not diabetic and I've added years to my life but are those years going to be harder? Its like I took years off my externals only to have added it to my insides. I feel weak and exhausted.
Added to that the crushing emotional strain I'm dealing with I almost don't know why I'm doing this. The baby kicks sense into me before I fall too deep in this well of self-pity, but some days all I want to do is cry.
Everyone wanted or expected this child to be as girl, he's not. Now everyone is bent on destroying me with their pity, lack of interest, or crushing disappointment. My own mother is supposed to be coming to town with my grandma next week, but now I'm told she's leaving after the 4th of July, Caedeon isn't due until the end of August. When I asked her why she told me she'd send dad since he's the "one you really want there".... Seriously' mom??!?!? Way to show your support for your grandchild.
Gods, the number of times she's hurt me or let me down over the years one would think I'd be immune by now. I'm not. She'd rather hold on to her own hurt that I didn't exact the same promises from here that I did from my dad (1- I expected she'd be here with her mom and Tina and therefore me 2- dad missed my first child's birth and 3- dad actually has to put in for the time off whereas she doesn't freaking work) than be here for me and at least pretend to care about this baby. Some days I feel like I am the only one who does. It hurts. At least my baby wants to be here, he reminds me daily with his attempted escape escapades....
Sigh.