No, Not Yet

Before everyone gets too excited, no, I'm not pregnant yet. We haven't even started trying yet, that'll happen next month (OMG BREATHE!) but I wanted to get this started (save the site etc) because I've been finding frustratingly little advice when it comes to pregnancy after gastric bypass surgery... I really want to be prepared this time around as my son was a complete surprise. When I got pregnant with him, I was overweight, nearly obese. I had diabetes and it was out of control, I put his life in jeopardy by not taking care of my health, I feel like I failed him in that respect.On the positive side, he's perfectly normal and healthy now, but those 10 days he had to start his life in NICU were a twisted dagger in my heart because if I had tried harder to take care of me, he might not have had to go in there.
Twenty five months ago I had gastric bypass surgery, I lost 106 pounds in the first 9 months, I've kept off about 100 of them. My diabetes is considered to be in remission and I am the healthiest I've ever been. My lab work tells me I have no vitamin/nutrient deficiencies, but I worry still. I feel like I traded one group of concerns for another. For the most part I think it's going to be okay, but I worry about some things...

Will I be able to conceive? When I was overweight/obese I had PCOS and they told me it would be pretty darned hard for me to get pregnant, then oops, hello positive pregnancy tests! Did the PCOS go away with my excess weight? I have no idea, I hope so, but I'm concerned I still have it makes me worry about conception

Will my nutrient mal-absorption hurt my baby? Lots of post gastric bypass women have normal healthy pregnancies, but will I be one of them? Part of me wants to keep the pregnancy secret until we get past the "danger zone" but I know that would drive me insane, so my compromise is this blog, which I don't think many people read, but at least I get a chance to get everything out.

Can I carry this one full-term? My son had to be taken 4 weeks early because of my out of control blood sugar. Will they even let me go 40 weeks?

Will I get gestational diabetes? Rumor has it my risk is lower, but I'm monitoring my blood sugar anyway. I can't take the glucose tolerance test, I now have reactive hypoglycemia and the amount of glucose they give you for that test will end with me on the floor unconscious of vomiting, so I'm back to finger sticks, working hard to get back in the habit, learning now what foods are problematic for me so I can find substitutions now rather than later.

Will I get referred to a dietitian who has no clue how to care for me? Someone who will push more carbs on me than I am comfortable consuming? I might, but I also have my surgeon's dietitian standing by with advice for which I am grateful. I'll just listen to anyone they send me to, talk it over with my husband, my dietitian, and my doctors and find the best course for my individual pregnancy needs.

Will I have to have another Caesarian? Can I really pre-mediate getting cut open again for the sake of a baby? The practice I use isn't a fan of VBAC's and now that I'm small, they can see how narrow my frame really is, and I wonder even if I wanted to give birth vaginally 1- would they let me, 2- can I physically do it, 3- is it a good idea?

How am i going to deal with purposely having to gain weight after losing 106 pounds? This scares me so much, I fear developing an eating disorder. Someone with my BMI is advised to gain 30ish pounds during pregnancy, how is my head going to be able to do that? I'm trying to remain calm about it, knowing how it breaks down between the actual weight of the baby, increased blood volume, amniotic fluid, increased uterus size, blah de balh de blah blah blah... I guess to keep myself sane I need to make sure I'm only gaining healthy baby weight and taking as good if not better care of myself during that time.

One day at a time, and that's where this blog will come in. So far I've prepared as much as I can with vitamin planning, protein powder planning (balancing the artifical sweeteners: i plan to alternate between powders that use stevia and sucralose so I'm not getting too much of any one thing). I've started the finger sticks again, and I've started logging my food again. When I time comes I'll change my calorie goals on the log so i can make sure baby and me are getting adequate nutrition, but until that day comes, I guess I just wait and see where this journey will take me.

Wish us luck! I'm going to need it...